Illustration By David Clark

The latest rhetorical gambit from advocacy group PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) would have fish renamed “sea kittens” as a way to make them seem more sympathetic. PETA says fish “not only have the same ability to feel pain as a dog or a cat, but they also communicate with one another.” PETA apparently believes associating fish with cute and cuddly kittens might make people more reluctant to hunt and eat them.

Well, true…after all, we don't hook kittens, or form breaded pieces of them into “kitten sticks.” And fathers and sons don't spend bonding time on lazy summer days angling for kittens to take home for mom to gut and fry.

Also, kittens aren't slimy and cold blooded with zero personality, while fish don't play with rolls of yarn, purr when you hold them or pose for cutsey calendars. When was the last time you saw a fish hugging a puppy on a Hallmark card?